The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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