I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Dick very happy bro
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
