haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Moan for me like Helen Keller
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
