i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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