dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize