I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
