not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
