I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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