I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
