i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I take back everything I said about communal showers
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
