i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
