So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
