i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
