The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
There r osticjed everywhere
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
