Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
vagina is talking i cant
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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