The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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