I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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