I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
