Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
