I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
