i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
