Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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