I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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