Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
no you cant smoke seaweed
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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