Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
my liver is dry heaving
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
