4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
