Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
