About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize