I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
