i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
