I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
