o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
