I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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