how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
