I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize