It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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