don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
