i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
