So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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