Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
