my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Come share oat with me in your robe
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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