Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize