Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
