he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
