I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
PANTIES FOUND
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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