My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
