i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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