He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
