Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
