Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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