i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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