Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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