this just has baby written all over it
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
