So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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