I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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