would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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