all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
