Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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