Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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