it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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