she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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