i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Randomize
