wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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