Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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