So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
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