Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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