Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
